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My kid is grown, so my overt parenting days are over. But I've had a number of friends (a surprising number, actually) face the issue of having their natal daughters announce that they are trans.
Whenever I hear about their situations (most, to be honest, swiftly embrace the whole transition game; I grew up in a very liberal college town …
My kid is grown, so my overt parenting days are over. But I've had a number of friends (a surprising number, actually) face the issue of having their natal daughters announce that they are trans.
Whenever I hear about their situations (most, to be honest, swiftly embrace the whole transition game; I grew up in a very liberal college town and many of my friends live in the most liberal enclaves in America), I wonder what my wife and I would have done.
I'm sure I'll be savaged for this, but in an ideal world where this could happen, I would take a leave of absence and take my questioning kid on a grand tour of ... well, wherever and whatever they might be interested in. Remove them from the insular social environment and restrict their access to online conversation about trans issues to a reasonable extent. Love them, enjoy their company, learn together, for a few months, even a year.
I cannot know, of course, but my suspicion is that for many, the obsession with specifically "trans" identities would recede, possibly leaving more space to discuss sexuality, individual differences and so on.
Is that crazy?
No, you're not crazy. I do think gender dysphoria is real, and for some people with dysphoria, transitioning is the best option. But the sudden surge in teenage natal females is unprecedented, and the magnitude is so large that it raises concerns that many of those females aren't dysphoric in a lasting way. I think you're right that the online environment is unhealthy as well. Abigail Shrier discusses these issues in her book Irreversible Damage; it's worth a read if you'd like to learn more about them.
I've heard of some parents doing exactly this, and their daughters lose interest in transitioning. I find the swift embrace of transition disturbing and really wonder how this will all look in ten years or so. The way that trans has become viewed as more of an identity than a medical phenomenon has really thwarted meaningful critique and investigation.
Well said, Clay! I don't think a parent should be savaged for helping their child figure out who they are (and, if at the end of this your kid was still trans, I don't think you'd disown them)
The goal for many seems to have shifted from "help your child become healthy and well-adjusted" to "affirm trans identity!" And while afffirming trans identities CAN be part of helping your child become healthy and well-adjusted, I'm not sure it is an end goal in and of itself (unless one's got a religious view of the subject!)
Yes, yes, yes, @ReplyKai(ju)! I should have made note of that important piece: Whatever the child becomes, that's fine. Let's just get him or her out of the hothouse of middle-school peer pressure.
When, by the way, did parents decide that 14-year-olds were super-capable of making momentous, life-altering decisions all on their own?